Hey-o. Will here. Still alive. Check out my last story for the CW below.

http://tinyurl.com/yz4vuvy

SUNDAY: Fiction

I love The Onion. Best eVAR.

The Onion plans wall-to-wall satire for election
By JAKE COYLE, AP Entertainment Writer

NEW YORK – Days before the January 2001 inauguration of President Bush, the Onion ran a story headlined: "Bush: `Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity Is Finally Over.'"

Writers at the satirical paper still speak reverentially of the story, in which Bush promises to take the country into a deep recession, worsen the environment and "end the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton."

"Wow, was that prescient," marvels Joe Garden, the Onion's features editor.

Whether or not you share that political viewpoint, the Bush era will end soon and the political comedy epicenter will shift to Barack Obama or John McCain.

At the Onion — "America's finest news source," as it calls itself — this change in the Oval Office is a welcome opportunity for new material after eight years of Bush and an interminable presidential campaign.

"Everyone started being like, `Nothing is funny in politics. We're done talking about it,'" says Assistant Editor Megan Ganz.

Regardless of who's elected Tuesday, it's clear satire has won in 2008. "Saturday Night Live," "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report" have all been at the top of their game, with record ratings to show for it.

But the Onion is a slower moving, more broadly social animal of satire. It is, as Editor Joe Randazzo calls it, "the satirical newspaper of record."

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"Report: 60 Million People You'd Never Talk to Voting for the Other Guy"

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Founded 20 years ago by two students from the University of Wisconsin in Madison, the Onion gradually grew under Editor Scott Dickers and went national in 1996 when it started its Web site. (The move was partially inspired by the viral spreading of the story: "Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia: Cities of Sjbvdnzv, Grzny to be first recipients.")

It was around then that the Onion really honed its approach as always rigidly couched in dry writing style with slick graphic displays.

The paper, distributed weekly in 10 cities, has a circulation of about 900,000 and is now based in New York. The more profitable Web site draws 5.5 million unique visitors per month and earlier this year won seven Webby awards, second only to The New York Times.

All the while, the Onion has spread to other media forms. It has published numerous best-selling books, including the rewrite of history, "Our Dumb Century," and the mock atlas, "Our Dumb World," which was just released in paperback.

The paper also comes with a serious and respected entertainment section of criticism called the A.V. Club. Onion Radio News is a daily one-minute podcast that consistently ranks among the most popular on iTunes.

And last year, the Onion launched the Onion News Network, a parody of a 24-hour TV news network, perhaps the Onion's most costly startup with a staff now of 20 making videos with high production value.

ONN executive producer Will Graham and head writer Carol Kolb (a former editor of the paper) translated the Onion sensibility to video, with stories such as "John McCain accidentally left on campaign bus."

The talent, Graham says, is often instructed to read the news without the slightest hint that they're joking.

"Think `Schindler's List,'" they're told.

Though the ONN — which produces 15 videos a month — may not yet be as profitable as the rest of the Onion projects, Randazzo says the privately held Onion Inc. is "pretty healthy fiscally" despite the downturn in ad sales brought on by the economic crisis.

"I try to avoid the idea that people care a lot about the Onion, or at all about the Onion," says Garden, who has been with the Onion since 1990. "Then you're sort of infected with a weird sense of self-importance and that just doesn't fit with what the Onion is. The Onion started as an outsider publication, I think the Onion works best as an outsider publication."

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"Obama Warns He May Cease to Exist Unless America Believes in Him."

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The Onion centers its election coverage at a site separate from the main Onion page (http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar). It includes candidate profiles, videos and a glossary ("debate: a contest to see which candidate can answer the fewest questions").

It will offer continuous Election Day coverage (and the day after). This might be as reactive as the Onion has ever been; the videos take months to prepare and each paper issue is created about two weeks in advance.

"We are kind of more a gauge of culture," says Randazzo. "But everything is mediated through this lens of the upcoming election that it has become sort of necessary for us to really do a little more coverage than we normally would."

To prepare for whatever happens Tuesday, the Onion has — like a real newspaper — organized coverage for either a McCain win or an Obama win. Both video and text stories have been completed for both eventualities.

After so many jokes from not just the Onion but all the other outlets of satire, it's not easy to keep mining new material. But the Onion has continued to thrive largely because it fiercely guards against repetition.

On the back of the door to the writers room, for example, is a list of "no-no words," which Garden explains as "overused comedy tropes." A few: William Shatner, home schooling, DVD commentary tracks, Battleship, soccer.

Tired jokes are just as easy for an election stretched over two years. Ganz says the prospect of Obama jokes have lightened the room, producing sillier stories like the Onion ran during the Clinton years.

"We get asked a lot if we secretly want Republicans to win since there's so much more material," she says. "The thing is, we always say, we have to live in the country, too. And also, when stuff is really going bad, it's harder to make jokes."

Creating those jokes is a communal affair at the Onion.

Ten writers and editors congregate every week in a room surrounded by dry-erase board to pitch headlines (all stories start with the headline) and select about 16. A writer will be chosen for each — often not who wrote the headline — and everyone will discuss how to approach the piece. Later, several editors will go over it.

Watching the humor of each story dissected is a rapid-paced marvel. The mostly young staff analyzes a story's tone, perspective, kicker and meaning.

Giving specific examples from a recent meeting would spoil the jokes (they're for mid-November) but, to give a flavor, the scattershot dialogue touched on the corporate structure of lip balm companies, if franks and beans is funnier than macaroni salad, and how many people recognize Walter Becker as a member of Steely Dan.

Sometimes the Onion hits the media's voice so accurately, it's confused for the real thing. For example, a video by ONN's "Today Now!" (a morning show satire) proclaimed "Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation With Wish For Unlimited Wishes." Neither the foundation nor a handful of wishful toddlers were amused.

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"Bruce Springsteen Concert Totally Changes Area Man's Mind About Voting"

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The motto of the Onion is "Tu stultus es," Latin for: "You are dumb."

So, the Onion's approach frequently is through the prism of the average person's relationship to politics, the news and the media.

This is often expressed by ... "area man."

"Any time you give the average person the opportunity to explain themselves on a national scale, they're always going to sound like a fool," Ganz says of "area man," immediately fearing that she might sound like him.

Like many people, the Onion staff is ready to have the election over with. In satirizing the media's excessive ramping up of election coverage, the Onion has been forced to do the same.

"(The Web site) War for the White House is as much a joke on the media industry as it is our expanded coverage," says editorial manager Chet Clem. "It's this sort of overblown hyperbole that's thrown around about an election. Yes, it's very important, but do you really need a 24-hour news bunker? Does Wolf Blitzer really need to be that sleep-deprived?"

But Onion writers are not built like Blitzer.

"If we were a regular news organization, we'd be here with shifts of people right up until the deadline," says Garden. "But we're not. We're a bunch of softened comedy writers who like to go home at a reasonable time."

WEDNESDAY: Free Rite (bitches)

Heeeeeey!

It's Tiffany. You know, again.

This is a "free write" situation, and Will's Internet is kaput at the mo', so I'm taking this time to advertise myself! Haha!

So, if you didn't know about this (and I bet most of you didn't), there's a community on LiveJournal called therealljidol. It's an LJ competition, kind of like American Idol, but not as unendingly lame.


Anyway, I'm competing. My entry for this week is right here.

The topic is "a moment of bliss." We get different topics every week, and we have a week to write and post.

The next part is where I need your help -- we're put into tribes for voting (apparently) based on how large our friendslists are. And while mine may be big, there's an awful lot of inactive journals on there. Which means I got put into the tribe with super-super-popular people. I theoretically have no chance.

Voting happens every Friday. Vote for me? Please?

(It's what Will would want you to do. I think.)

Ahhh...the weekend. Tomorrow is Alabama's first home game, AND Tiffany is spending the weekend. What could be better? Great, great times.

I'm playing with Legos and not doing my homework. Seems appropriate somehow.

SUNDAY

Good to be back home. More complete entry to come tomorrow.

Still in Atlanta. AND ROLL TIDE.

Football! And UA is winning!

At Hamlet 2 wif mah baybeh. Football tomorrow. ROLL TIDE ROLL.

Going out to a bar to catch some live music.

Mmmmm...dollar beer night at the bowling alley!

Sunday: Who the heck knows

Guess who's driving from Virginia to Alabama? Yeah, that would be Will.

Naturally, this is Tiffany.

So, who else is watching the Olympics? And who else has developed love for Michael Phelps? I have never watched so much swimming.

[EDIT]: I hate the Olympics. -- WN

Seeing TDK for the third time at a historic theater in Alexandria. And they serve good beer! TDK and good beer! I love life!

It's Tiffany.

Random note: When this clock strikes midnight, we'll be married in eleven months.

Yay. :)


Maybe he'll replace this, maybe he won't. You'll see!

Yay! Reunion!

Back in Alabama. YAY!!!!!

A guy at work gave me a pair of tickets for tonight's Nationals game. So I'm posting from Nationals Park. I MISS MAH BEHBAY.

Stoopid internet

THURSDAY: News/Politics

Yeah, I went to this. Bitchin'.

Obama Takes Stage at Virginia Amphitheater

By Kristen Mack
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, June 5, 2008; 9:30 PM



Sen. Barack Obama launched his general election campaign for president in Virginia yesterday, rolling up his sleeves and rallying families, college students and people playing hooky from work to help him "win this election and change the course of history."

The presumptive Democratic nominee drew more than 10,000 people to a late afternoon rally at the Nissan Pavilion and spent the morning courting voters in coal country at a town hall meeting in southwest Virginia.

Obama delivered his standard stump speech at both campaign stops, but the events were weighted with significance, a reminder of one of his biggest primary wins and his determination to compete in Virginia and other traditional Republican strongholds in November.

The senator from Illinois noted the symbolism of the first African American presidential nominee appealing for support in a former Confederate state.

"This crowd reflects what was done 40 years ago to perfect this union," Obama told the Nissan crowd, referring to achievements of the civil rights movement. "And now, 40 years later, that same sense of urgency is demanded."

Die-hard Obama supporters and undecided voters began converged on the amphitheater in Prince William County three hours before the candidate was scheduled to take the stage at 6 p.m. State and local transportation officials had braced for a major backup on Interstate 66, but traffic was like that of a normal rush hour.

The crowd moved smoothly and quickly through the security checkpoints into the amphitheater. No one was turned away.

Obama was escorted to the stage by the state's top Democratic elected officials, Gov. Timothy M. Kaine and U.S. Sen. James Webb, who both have been mentioned as possible running mates.

The crowd interrupted Webb as he introduced Obama, shouting, "Yes, we can!"

"Thank you, Virginia!" Obama said as he took the stage. He peeled off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. "This is a good-looking crowd here. And it's fired up -- "

"Ready to go!" the crowd roared back, invoking the candidate's signature call-and-response chant.

Obama thanked Webb, saying, "If you're in a fight, and we are going to be in a fight, you want Jim Webb to have your back."

He then praised Kaine, who he noted was one of the first elected officials to endorse him "when a lot of people took a wait-and-see attitude."

"When you're in the political business, there are a lot of people who are your allies, there are lot of people who you've got to do business with, but you don't always have a lot of friends. The governor of the Commonwealth of Virginia is my friend."

Earlier yesterday, he campaigned with former Virginia governor Mark R. Warner (D), a candidate for U.S. Senate, at a town hall meeting in Bristol in southwest Virginia.

The campaign had sent out e-mail alerts and posted fliers at Metro stops recruiting volunteers for the event at Nissan. More than 600 people responded and showed up at 11:45 a.m. sporting shirts in varying shades of green, as the campaign instructed.

Gina Bellamy, 46, told her boss that she felt sick and needed to take the rest of the day off. Bellamy, a school nurse in Prince William County, planned to leave work at noon, but when she heard reports that as many as 50,000 people were expected at the rally, she didn't want to chance it. So she left about 11 a.m.

"I even pulled my baby out of school, and I never do that," Bellamy said, referring to her 14-year-old daughter, Stephanie. "But she told her teachers the truth and said that she was going to see Obama."

"She doesn't get it, but one day, she is going to tell her kids about how her crazy mama dragged her to see Obama. I didn't just want her to watch it on TV. I wanted her to see this," Bellamy said.

Pamela Supanik, 48, a supporter of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.), who waged a hard-fought contest and finished a close second, came to the rally at the Nissan Pavilion in Prince William County to be converted to Obama.

"She was my candidate. Now I need to educate myself about him, Supanik said of Clinton and Obama. "I'm here to see where he stands on the issues and whether anything he says resonates with me."

The rally drew residents from across the region.

Wyman Robinson and his family caravanned from Montgomery County. He packed three generations of relatives, ages three to 62, in two cars.

"The chance of me seeing him in real life are getting narrow," Robinson said. "I figured I better come now."

Robinson, 62, a retired police officer who has supported Obama since day one, is optimistic good about the senator from Illinois' chance of making it into the White House. Robinson's already scoping out tickets for Inauguration Day.

Others decided to come at the spur of the moment.

Miyung Chung didn't plan on attending the rally. The 30-year-old Gainesville pharmacist, happened upon the Pavilion around 2 p.m. and since she didn't have plans until dinner, she wandered in.

"I'm undecided," she said. "I was just passing by and decided to come see what he had to say."

Staff writers Shailagh Murray and Mark Berman contributed to this report.